Conflicts that arise in romantic relationships run deep and wide. These arising issues emerge from varying problems and behaviors that persist amongst its individual members. Some of the biggest mistakes the parties involved make typically stem from patterns, pathologies, and attachment issue. Saying hurtful things, degrading, belittling, judging, etc. are not components that define a healthy relationship. These actions are indicative of abuse. It is never wise to proceed in a romantic relationship that is unhealthy or abusive. Folly in this case is staying in such a dynamic under the guise that we can change or somehow fix the other person. The same way rules and laws exist in nature, society, in addition to the universal laws, i.e. Karma, that we must abide by to avoid punishment; there are rules and laws that romantic partners each much follow to express love and appreciation for the opposite party.
For example, Harry was a man with a small circle of friends who went about life feeling over worked and underpaid. He experienced many failed relationships and developed a resistance to trusting his significant others as well as incapable of being fully opened to give and receive love.
Sally, on the other hand, experienced divorced, became a single parent, and endured some of the trials and tribulations singles moms face while trying to raise a family. But she was also a woman of faith who was deeply grounded in her belief of a higher power. She decided she would take the time out of her life and love herself. The fear of entering another failed relationship without addressing some of her past transgressions seemed too excessive for her to take on without fully being ready to give or receive love herself. Sally started practicing yoga and meditation while also continuing to pray. She learned to forgive her shortcomings and the events of her failed marriage. It was hard, but she slowly and positively progressed toward a place of peace and understanding that would allow her to move forward with her life.
Eventually, Harry met Sally. Harry seemed to be a loving and kind person who was open and available for a commitment. Although, Sally was more aware that taking things slowly while entering a new relationship after all the progress she made was ideal. Especially after dealing with issues in her own life head on. She did possess enough faith to trust in the process and was mindful that she was deserving of the love that being in a committed, romantic relationship provided.
However, soon after the relationship began Harry became agitated and annoyed by situations that in a healthy relationship two people would opt to discuss and learn to compromise for the betterment of the union. However, this was a process that Harry was unfamiliar with. The more Sally forgave him and tried to “work through” some of the unresolved issues revealed by Harry, the less Sally felt as though her efforts were paying off. Why didn’t Sally leave the relationship? Because her avid faith and hope that over time things would change. That Harry would somehow “see the light” and began to turn things within himself and his life around to new behaviors that were more conducive for the relationship to grow.
Bottom-line, when participating in a relationship dynamic where one does not love themselves enough to work through the fears that hold them back from truly loving, the relationship is doomed to fail. The folly of one in such a relationship is to believe that solely being an example of love and light in oneself but coexist with someone who only knows darkness is a misnomer. When one is in darkness but craves to enter a romantic relationship without being aware of the extent of one’s fears and patterns that derived from past hurts, will only tear down the other member’s visions for the relationship who sole intention was love.
Failure to forgive, passive aggressive behaviors, anger, lack of trust, and fear are more than the adequate set of the tools one needs in their toolbox to sabotage any attempt at true love. The same way a bird needs two wings to fly, a relationship cannot thrive without two loving partners, not only to love the other person or love the idea of being in love. They must FIRST and FOREMOST love themselves.